so today I'm gonna talk about what happened to me about 2 months ago. the reason for bringing up old memories was triggered by what happened this weekend.
for me that day 2 months ago was one of the worst I've ever been through. true, not THE worst day, but I don't think I've ever actually been so scared before (and no, not even of dolls or clowns or really tiny spaces).
also I feel the need to explain something to you before telling the story. see, I care about animals way more than I do about people. hearing stories about animal abuse riles me up so much that I just want to make the people responsible pay for what they've done. on the other hand hearing about accidents involving humans leave me pretty much emotionless (unless I know those people, then it's a different story). I think it's a case of who's more helpless in any given situation. humans can speak, say what's wrong, but animals can't. and it's the humans who are given more help than any other animal in pain. so that's what pisses me off and that's why I don't give a shit about a human in pain, but I care about animals who are suffering. a perfect example is the Marge Arumäe case that's getting a lot of media attention right now - I think I can honestly say that should I see her in distress or pain or dying and it is in my power to help her... I probably wouldn't. you can call me heartless, but what she did to that dog is beyond any forgiveness.
ok, I tried to make it short, but there you go. once I get going on a subject I feel strongly about there's no stopping me. there's a lesson for whomever is reading this in here: if I'm not very enthusiastic in a conversation - I probably just don't care, but I'm polite enough to not say anything about it. :) (oh and the thing about the fuckin smiley faces. when I say something mean or don't really care about what I'm saying but still want to give you the impression that I'm nice, I just put a smiley face in the end and let you think that I actually give a shit) (apparently it works!)
so back to my original story - some of you probably know how I spent the entire summer going horseriding every day. I got really attached to this one horse and he was perfect for me (well, still is I suppose). one day we decided to go for a ride in the countryside. I remember the sun was still shining but it was getting quite late. there were three of us. and we took the same route we always take - in fact i'd just been there 2 days earlier with K. there were no fallen trees, nothing that would give a reason not to go. so it was me and my boy, K with the Hippo (that's a nickname btw, it wasn't an actual hippo in case some people think it's some weird Estonian habit - 'riding with hippos'.... although, would be interesting i suppose) and M with Pega.
everything was going well, we'd entered the woods 5 min earlier and had just started trotting 2 minutes before and were chatting away. it was quiet that evening, anyone could have heard us coming a mile away. one minute i'm telling M about the galloping hill that was coming up and was going to show her where it was and the next I remember some guy standing up from behind a bush and startling the horses. I was first, M was second. the horses got spooked and took a sharp right and we ended up in this thick undergrowth where the ground was soo wet and soft. funny thing is I didn't actually fall off. I just climbed off, that's how deep in the mud my horse was. there were thin branches everywhere around us. I can't remember much about the next 5 minutes, or was it more? I only remember feeling sheer terror that this is it - this is where the horse is going to die. all these thoughts kept racing through my mind - did he break his leg? or legs? maybe some of the branches cut him and now he's bleeding?
I tried to grab the reins and kept telling him in a soft voice that everything's gonna be alright. he tried to get up and failed and tried again and failed. I was cussing at everything while trying to get myself together and support him with my voice. at one point he just calmed down and rested his head on the ground. I stopped breathing then, I honestly thought that now it's over for him. but then he tried to get up again and managed. and stayed up this time. two more steps and we were back on the road.
M managed to get her horse out around the same time, they we in even deeper then we were. so there I was, standing next to Winnetou (that's his name btw) and just stroking him. thanking someone (not god) that it all ended well.
it was the fact that I saw someone that's dear to me (and don't you dare say I got too emotional because it was an animal) being hurt and being helpless and there was nothing I could do to make it better. I could just be there and hope for the best. that feeling I had during those 5 to n minutes was what made it one of the worst days I've ever had.
- this was written last night
-and this today:
now I'm trying to figure out why I wrote this last night. I think I wanted to get to the point that I didn't actually manage to do any horseriding this weekend whatsoever. which totally sucks, but that's life.
I did go there on Friday and today, but the horse got seriously spooked twice when I was taking him outside and took off both times. with full gear of course. so first time he slipped and fell, then took off and by the time I caught up with him the reins were broken. no biggie - put new reins and tried again. he got spooked again and broke one of the wooden thingies that was holding him inside his... box? stupid terminology. anyway it was pretty thick but he just broke it in half and took off again. so that was it for that day. on saturday it was raining and today the same shitty weather. but at least I hung around there for a while on both days so it wasn't a complete loss. next time better luck, I suppose.
this must've been a really boring read to someone who doesn't know anything about horses, or care. :)
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